how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
