after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
