we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Help. Why am I so naked?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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