I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
