Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
