I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
