still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
