Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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