There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
