Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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