If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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