You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
