I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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