At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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