Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
