if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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