so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
