He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
