so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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