The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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