Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
