Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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