Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
