I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
dude. I can hear the air.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
