I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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