If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
