We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
