I think my vagina is haunted
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
