Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
