You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
