walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
