We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
