Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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