I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
