And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize