You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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