i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
