I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
