How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's Friday. Sex?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize