a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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