He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
