You're my little dorito
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
