just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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