Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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