and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
