yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
