Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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