I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
