The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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