She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize