i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
