Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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