I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize