so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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