some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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