areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
