I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
