thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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