I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
