get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize