I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize