You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
