Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
